February 22, 2005

Language Unbecoming Of A Cute Blonde

I'm a lucky guy.

You see, I know I have a problem with Video Game Addiction. Since I professionally review video games, I can often write my addiction off as "doing work".

Most Significant Others wouldn't stand for that lame excuse. Fortunately Morn is not your average, everyday Significant Other. She can be as much of an addict as I am.

Let me give you an example. For Christmas, I gave her a copy of Resident Evil 4, for the Nintendo Gamecube. Before you say anything, this isn't a typical Homer Simpson bowling ball present. I'm not a fan of the Resident Evil games, and I'm not a fan of the Gamecube. I don't even own one. When it comes time for me to review Gamecube games I borrow hers (which she got specifically to play Resident Evil games on.)

But this particular game was getting good reviews…excellent reviews in fact. So I decided to review it for work. Besides, weeks after giving it to her, she hadn't played it once (thanks to her brother, who was hogging it.) So, she wrestled the game and the Gamecube away from the brother, and I reviewed it.

In a word: awesome. Holy snappin' crap, is this ever a kick-ass game. I was literally scared out of my wits playing it. It's that good.

Last night, Morn came over and decided - after hearing me rave about it for a week - that she wanted to enjoy her Christmas present.

The following are unedited, uncensored comments that she made as she played the game for FOUR STRAIGHT HOURS instead of enjoying our "us" time. I should add for the sake of full disclosure that the girl rarely swears (except at me...which is admittedly frequent.) She's a delicate young flower. But you wouldn't know it from hearing her scream the following at the TV:

"FUCK!"
"SHIIIIIIT!!!!"
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"
"TAKE THAT, BITCH!"
"OH FUCK ME, I AM SOOOOO FUCKED!"
"SON OF A BITCH!"

And my personal favourite…

"GODDAMN COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SISTER-MOLESTING ASS-RIMMING BASTARD! FUUUUCK YOU!!!!!"

Sorry boys…she's spoken for.

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