February 09, 2005

Oscar The Hermit

One of the things I neglected to chime in on during this slight break from the site is the Oscar Nominations. Normally, I'm all about the Oscars. Hell, I'm even secure enough in my masculinity to go to an Oscar Party…at least, I would be if anyone had ever invited me. Instead, my Oscar Parties tend to consist pretty much of sitting around in my underwear, eating hot dogs and Lays, and drinking the best champagne that $10 can buy.

But this year, it's been a little different. Let me explain:

I've always been an Oscar buff. Back in the day (in this case, my early 20's) I used to have a 700+ page book on the history of the awards. I could predict, too. One year, I got on the radio and challenged a local Morning Zoo-type radio show that I could out-predict them. I won, and as a prize I got to go on the show and do a few minutes of my Entertainment-related comedy shtick (this was back in my piss-poor stand-up days.) It was a good segment, but one of the jokes turned out to be WAY too racy for their show. They were not pleased.

So these days, you'd think it would be easier. I've been reviewing movies professionally for just over 2 years now, not counting my short tenure at a magazine that never paid me. There's just one problem…the only movies I get to review are, in a word, shitty. I COULD be reviewing Sideways or Hotel Rwanda, but instead I get saddled with shit like Boogeyman. As a result, I've managed to see far fewer nominated movies than normal.

To illustrate, here's a list of the movies nominated in the "Big Six" categories (Acting, Directing, and Best Picture). The ones highlighed and linked are the ones I've seen:

The Aviator
Being Julia
Closer
Collateral
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Finding Neverland
Hotel Rwanda
Kinsey
Maria Full Of Grace
Million Dollar Baby
Ray
Sideways
Vera Drake

I've seen less than a third of them. Pathetic. And yet, I still managed to sit through Soul Plane, Christmas With The Kranks, and Alien Vs. Predator. The things I do for my craft.

But I've got a plan. Again, back in the day, I used to take a week's vacation right around Oscar time. I'd use that time to see as many nominated movies as possible. It was a lot of fun, and that way, I could make informed predictions. Well, I'm doing it again this year.

Between now and Oscar Night, I plan on seeing every single one of the nominated films I haven't seen yet…nine in total. I will then review each and every one of them for you, culminating in my predictions for the big awards. Hopefully, I'll do it soon enough that you can get all of your Oscar Pool ballots filled out so that you can share in the wealth.

Oy…this is going to be a big project. I guess playing Knights Of The Old Republic 2 on my Xbox is going to have to wait a few weeks before I can save the galaxy once and for all. I sure hope nothing bad happens in the meantime.

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