February 01, 2005

Whoops.

Hey folks…if you hear any rumours about me floating around in the near future, they're not true, okay? It was an accident.

Here's the deal. My crazy, cigarette-mooching neighbour Tammy has been knocking on my door a lot. Now, she's not a lot to look at, she's not my type, and she's batshit insane. But thanks to what she was wearing the other day, it came to my attention that she's…ahem…rather blessed in the chestal region, if you get my drift. Don't get me wrong…she's still an annoying pest, but I just happened to notice, is all.

So earlier today, after mooching yet another smoke from me, I made a comment designed to get her to stop. I said "You know what, Tammy? Next time you mooch a cigarette, you'd better flash me. It's only fair. Just pretend it's Mardi Gras and a smoke is a string of beads."

Ha ha ha. We laughed and she went away. I wasn't serious…I'd rather have the smoke than a gander, but still, I was hoping it would annoy her enough to leave me alone.

No less than an HOUR later, there's a knock at my door AGAIN. Annoyed as all hell, I shouted through the door "You know what? Your fucking TOP had better be off when I open this door!!"

I opened the door, and looked in the face of a 13 year old kid, looking very frightened.

"Ummm…you want to subscribe to The Star newspaper?"

"No…"

"OKAY!" and off the kid ran, probably creeped out more than getting an invitation to sleep over at the Neverland Ranch.

AWK-WARD.

And I wonder where all the restraining orders come from…

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