January 15, 2005
My Hero
First of all, this whole Hot Wing Challenge is really starting to take shape…so unfortunately, there's no way I'm going to be able to weasel out of it now. The date is set…Wednesday, January 19th…unfortunately, we're going to be doing it in the afternoon, so all you guys who wanted to see this and have jobs are out of luck. If you can still make it, let me know.
But speaking of extreme eating, I have a new hero.
I've always been tempted to try one of those super-oversized meals that you see advertised in some restaurants. "If you can finish our 72 oz steak, everyone at your table eats free!"
I've been tempted, but never tried it. Tempted because when the carnivore in me starts thinking about a gigantic slab of meat, I drool like Michael Jackson at a Boy Scout Jamboree. I've never tried it because, well, I'm not a tool. I'd never finish it. Despite the impressive size of my stomach, I tend to eat smaller meals.
This is Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania. It seems like a nice, quaint establishment. But lurking inside is a killer…known as Ye Olde 96er.
Mmmm…delicious.
This
fucker, which takes 45 minutes to cook, weighs in at - hold on to your
socks - 9 FREAKING POUNDS!!! That includes:
- A SIX-POUND patty
- Two whole tomatoes
- A half-head of lettuce
- 12 slices of American cheese
- A full cup of banana peppers
- Two entire onions
- A cup each of ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise
- Pickles
Now THAT'S a sandwich!
As the legend of Ye Olde 96er goes, nobody has ever finished one in under 3 hours…which is the time limit for the challenge. Below is Eric "Badlands" Booker, Competitive Eater. Among his accomplishments, he's eaten 4 7/8 entire pumpkin pies in 6 minutes, 49 glazed donuts in 8 minutes, and 2 pounds of chocolate in six minutes. Surely HE could tame Ye Olde 96er. Right?
Wrong. It took him three attempts to even FINISH this behemoth. And when he finally did, it took him 7 ½ hours.
So who, WHO would be the one to take Ye Olde 96er down?
Meet Kate Stelnick, of Princeton, New Jersey. She's 19, cute, perky, and weighs a petite 100 lbs.
My new hero.
I'm sorry, but LOOK AT HER. That burger is the SIZE OF HER FUCKING TORSO! And yet somehow, inexplicably, she polished this sucker off in 2 hours, 54 minutes.
Now, I think I need to reiterate that the girl weighs 100 POUNDS. This means she consumed 9% of her ENTIRE BODY WEIGHT in burgery goodness in under three hours.
The world needs more heroes. Kate Stelnick, I SALUTE YOU!
