June 04, 2004

Why Didn't I Think Of This BEFORE???

So today was my good friend Barnsey's last day at work. Many people from Day Job decided we were going to go to Betty's (named after Betty Ford) for a few beverages after work.

I don't know how the issue of famous women I lust after came up, but it did. For the record, there's not that many of them. Under 50, for sure.

But there are a few in an elite club. I aim high, but I'm also realistic. I used to refer to this club as my "Future wives", but, after thinking about it, I changed it to the more attainable "Future ex-wives."

For the record, that list comprises of Renee Zellweger, Elisha Cuthbert, and Amy Lee (from Evanescense)

My friend and co-worker Zuzu for some reason thought that Avril Lavigne was in that club. This probably came from some pictures I saw of Canada's favourite baggy-clothes-wearing daughter and being impressed by what a tight body she had. I don't know that I'd add her to the list, but it's impressive nonetheless.

So, while holding court over these objects of my quickly-annulled-wedded-bliss, Zuzu cut me off by saying the following:

"Yes, Naked, we know. You want Amy Lee, Renee Zellweger, Avril Lavigne, and Elisha Cuthbert all at the same time."

This upset me for two reasons

1) I've never, EVER referred to these fine, upstanding ladies in such a crude fashion. My fantasies may involve sex, but it would be incredibly fast, unsatisfying (for them), consummation of marriage sex. I've never, EVER been so crude as to imagine having these ladies at the same time.

2) Why the hell HAVEN'T I thought about having all four of them at the same time? Am I NUTS? Has my libido sunk to the point where someone ELSE has to point out the fact that I could very well imagine consummating my relationship with these four beautiful women at the SAME TIME? What's WRONG with me? The old Naked would have thought about this EONS ago.

So, I took a moment to imagine it.

I left 45 seconds later. But it was worth it.