May 05 , 2004

Medical update, and Unfortunate Product Names

First things first. I got the results of all my tests today. Apparently, my blood pressure is through the roof, and that is likely causing the headaches.

Gee...I can't imagine how that happened. I'm usually such a calm, cool, and collected guy.

Rather than fill me full of pills, he's sure it will get back to normal with a steady diet of hitting the gym, watching what I eat, and quitting smoking.

I hate doctors. Screw them and their common sense advice that will keep me alive longer. Who needs it? I want my bacon-double-cheeseburger pizzas and smokes, dammit!

But one other thing happened that I can't let go. I'm stunned.

I have pretty dry skin. And, for some reason, I have a particular pair of sandals that, when I wear them, cause my heels to crack. It's kind of nasty, and VERY painful. I wore them all weekend during my move, and I'm paying for it now.

Normally, I just let it go and limp for a couple of days, but Goldilocks made me promise to show the doctor while I was there. So, I showed him, and he gave me a sample of something that should clear it right up.

That product? "Zim's CRACK CREME"

I cannot THINK of a more unfortunately named product.

At any rate, I'm not sure if it works yet. I mean, my heels still hurt, but my ass feels GREAT!