March 21, 2004

How NOT to impress your significant other's friend

Step 1 - Make sure you're hammered when they show up

Step 2 - Make sure you refer to them by the wrong name constantly. Extra points for making it a different gender name. For example, if her name is "Pam", keep referring to her as "Paul".

Step 3 - Hit the Karaoke bar. Consume more alcohol. Sing New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle", and wink at said friend the entire time, making her increasingly uncomfortable.

Step 4 - When the significant other congratulates you on your performance, and jokingly asks you to autograph her breast, reply by saying "Sure, WITH MY DNA!!!" Punctuate this by taking out your penis. Excuse the size of said penis by mentioning how cold the Karaoke bar is.

Step 5- Vomit in said friend's rental car on the way home.

I'm not SAYING that any of this happened...then again, I'm not saying it DIDN'T. All I know is that Pam from Newfoundland hates me.