Dawn
Of The Dead (2004)
Starring: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Rating: 4 (out of 5)
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"Moooorrre BRAAAAIIIIINNNNNSSSSSS…"
That was my first exposure to Zombie movies when I was in my early teens. The movie was "Return Of The Living Dead", and it was pretty bad. Horrible, actually. So bad that I watched it at least a dozen times, thanks in part to some truly gratuitous nudity. I should add here that I was about 14, and would have watched ANYTHING with gratuitous nudity in it. I had all the movies highlighted in the Pay TV guide with the "nudity" warning.
And, of course, 17 years later, NOTHING has changed.
So, I've never been a huge fan of the original series. I've seen "Night Of the Living Dead" a few times, and I really do love it. It's got - hands down - the best ending of any horror film I've ever seen. And I only saw the 1978 original "Dawn Of The Dead" a few days ago when I reviewed it for Day Job. It's pretty good as well…gory (although dated) and full of social satire and commentary…a political splatter flick, as it were.
The point is I'm not a zombie-movie fanatic or anything. I like a good horror movie, but people that are REALLY into them kind of scare me. A good friend of mine will see ANY zombie movie that comes down the pipe, and even once referred to Romero's trilogy as the "Unholy Trinity". I've call-blocked him since.
So, when news of the remake hit the web, there was - predictably - outrage. Who would have thought that so many creepy splatter-movie buffs would have an active life on the Internet? Other than trying to find dates or masquerade as 16-year-old girls, anyway.
I recognize the brilliance of the original…I really do. It's pretty awesome. But this "re-make" isn't a re-make…it's a "re-envisioning" according to the press notes. This pissed these gore-fans off even more. Heck, I'm sure a lot of them put their pet tarantulas on hunger strikes to protest.
Well, they shouldn't worry. The new "Dawn Of The Dead" is a really good horror film. It's very different from the original, and it should be. There's no social commentary…just a lot of thrills, chills, and zombie goodness.
Apparently, their STOMACHS don't decompose...
There's one thing I appreciated about the original movie, though. As it opens, the world is ALREADY being overrun with undead monsters. As soon as the credits roll, we learn that the world has been slowly but surely taken over, one zombie at a time. The first scenes are in a TV station as they try and cope…no back-story. It's a brilliant touch.
We don't have this here, though. Instead, we're treated to pretty standard horror-movie "everything is swell" stuff. Ana (Polley) is a nurse at a local hospital. She's past her regular leaving-time, having worked what must be a 100-hour shift, like many dedicated health care workers (and unpaid Internet movie critics). She drives home, ignoring the news on the radio (which hints at some odd goings-on), chats with the Adorable Neighbor girl, chats with her husband, and sexes him up (or, to be more accurate, her body double sexes up his body double). Everything is just hunky-dory in Middle America, thank you very much.
Morning rolls around, and Adorable Neighbor girl comes in to wake them up. There are 2 problems with this. Problem 1 is that she's doing it really, REALLY early, and Ana and Hubby are sleeping off some sex. Problem 2, and this is really the straw that breaks the camel's back here, she wakes them up by eating a huge chunk of Hubby's neck. Fucking kids today have NO respect for their elders. Well, lemme tell you, Hubby doesn't like this at ALL. And, as if to drive that point home, he almost immediately dies in a shower of blood.
"So tell me again...WHY can't I let this thing get below 55 mph?"
Now, you might imagine that a young, comely nurse like Ana wouldn't be very happy about this. You'd be right. And, adding insult to injury, that insensitive prick of a husband doesn't even have the common decency to stay DEAD! No, THIS jerkass rises up and tries to eat HER neck. Monkey see, monkey do, right?
Ana barricades herself in her bathroom as Hubby tries to turn her into a human western omelet, and carefully weighs her options. After looking at the pros and cons of the situation, she comes to the executive decision that she needs to get the fuck out of Dodge. Like, now. It's tough to argue with that logic, actually.
Sadly though, the situation outside ain't much better. Zombies are chasing non-zombies, houses and buildings are on fire...wrath-of-God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky. Rivers and seas boiling…forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes…the dead rising from the grave…human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria. Let me just take this opportunity now to ask the creative team behind "Ghostbusters" not to sue me for ripping off their dialogue. Thanks.
She gets in her car and makes a run for it…a successful run, actually, for a little while. That is, until her car crashes through a guardrail made of aluminium foil, smashing her into a tree.
And THAT, my friends, is when the opening credits roll. That's right…all that mayhem BEFORE the opening credits. How can this NOT be a kickass movie?
"I KNEW I shouldn't have taken that left turn at Woodstock '99..."
After the disturbing credits, in which we see the world devolve into Hell, set to the dulcet tones of Johnny Cash, Ana wakes up and meets Kenneth (Rhames). He tests to make sure she's not a zombie by asking her to speak. When she does, he puts down his weapon and they join forces.
An aside: Not to give anything away here, but simply ASKING someone to speak English should NOT be your sole motivation for not killing them, especially when thousands of people are being eaten alive every second. Not for nothing, but I'm a firm believer in evolution. Species adapt, and sooner or later, you've GOT to think these undead hordes will realize that they can TOTALLY work the system by learning a few key phrases. Think about it…if you were starving in, say Uzbekistan, you'd DAMN well pick up a few words of Uzbekistanese ASAP to prevent starving to death. Same principle here. All these monsters had to do was learn to say "Hey! I'm no zombie! Go Leafs Go!" Then, when your guard is down, they turn you into a sweetbread buffet. Hell, the argument could be made that Toronto Maple Leaf fans have been mindless zombies since we last won the Cup in 1967, but that might just be bitterness.
So, after a few moments, Ana and Kenneth run into a few more survivors. Michael (Jake Weber) is a likable but bland salesman. Andre (Mekhi Phifer) is an ex-gang-banger trying to do right by his very pregnant wife Luda (Inna Korobkina). They don't have much of a game plan, other than "Hey! Let's NOT get eaten alive!" Actually, that's a pretty good game plan…forget that last cynical comment.
So, it's off to the mall, which is the ONLY real similarity this movie has with the original. Once they get there, it's not much better. Although, in one of the many very funny gags in the movie, the Muzak is on and playing "Don't Worry, Be Happy. I seemed to be the only person in the screening who found this particular gem of irony funny, as evidenced by the dirty looks I got for laughing out loud. Then again, I was one of the few people that didn't whoop, cheer, and holler every time scenes of grotesque violence were on-screen. Either I'M out of touch, or splatter-movie fans are creepy bastards.
"I want to run...I want to hide...I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside..."
It turns out that the mall is locked down by a trio of security guards, (Michael Kelly, Kevin Zegers, Michael Barry) and they're not happy about having other people around. So then, for a while, it's a crapshoot as to who is more dangerous…the zombies, or the humans.
I'll let it go here, but I've really just scratched the surface. There's a lot more interesting stuff that happens, and some interesting characters show up later, including obnoxious tool Steve (Ty Burrell) and sperm silo Monica (Kim Poirier). Plus there's a gun-store owner nearby that is stranded on his own roof…and he strikes up a fascinating friendship with Kenneth despite the fact that they can only communicate via signs. It's good stuff.
Hey, I gave it a good review! PLEASE don't sue me!
My first comment about the movie is about the people who complain that it's not a TRUE remake. You know what? It's not. Tough shit. It's still a great movie, with plenty of thrills, chills, and spills…spills of blood, that is. Sorry…I was just really trying to rhyme there. Anyway, to the naysayers, I would say this. One, take a shower. Two, don't get so bent out of shape about this movie sharing a title. So many people have said "It's a different movie…couldn't they call it something ELSE?"
Relax, Greasy. It's just a title, and the title isn't "Citizen Kane" here. If Universal wants to purchase the rights to the title in order to be set apart from the rest of the shitty zombie movies that have been coming out lately ("House Of The Dead" and "Resident Evil", I'm looking in your direction here…) let them. Then again, I wrote an unpublished novel called "The Last Temptation Of Chris", so titles mean very little to me.
No, it's not quite as good as the original. The original was a smart, satirical movie that pushed the genre in new directions. THIS one, though, is a balls-out thriller, and it works AS that.
It works for more reasons than just the thrills, though. They've got a great cast, for starters. Polley's pretty good as the heroine, and does a pretty good job in her first action role. Meanwhile, Rhames is fantastic. He's the cop from the beginning to the end, serious and dedicated to keeping the peace. He isn't without a soul though. People will laugh, but there are parts of this movie where we see real emotion from him - albeit contained - that is due to a pretty nuanced performance.
Not all the performances are great. Burrell as "Steve" isn't believable at all. He's smarmy enough, but his character is supposed to be this rich dude who charms the pants off of the ladies, and I didn't buy it. He came across as gay to me…to the point where the thought of him banging women made me laugh. I bought "Steve" about as much as I buy David Gest.
"Liza was just so MEAN to me!!!"
But first-time-feature director Snyder has done a pretty damn good job overall. It's a fast-paced movie, but he's managed to find the perfect places to drop in the tension-breaking laughs. And if you don't care about little details like plot or character, the movie works as a great escapist horror flick as well.
If
you like horror films, give it a shot. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go check my Pay-Per-View menu to see
if there are any flicks available with plenty of casual nudity.